


Free Love

by Sammiannnz



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: Angst, Heartbreak, I'm a wuss....., I'm sorry about this fic, Loss, M/M, Major character death - Freeform, TBH I cried while writing it, bittersweet endings, but also....., future thoughts, happiness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-30
Updated: 2014-08-30
Packaged: 2018-02-15 09:48:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,336
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2224551
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sammiannnz/pseuds/Sammiannnz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Ryan's in a car accident, Gavin's called into the hospital and things just go from bad to worse until Gavin's left picking up the pieces.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Free Love

**Author's Note:**

> I apologize for this. I apologize in advance, for during and I will apologize afterwards. I listened to the song, saw this, and just had to write it. I cried while writing it, but then again, I'm a wuss.  
> Inspired by a few Ed Sheeran Songs, particularly 'Afire Love'.  
> Once again, sorry not sorry, and get the tissues.  
> The title will make sense as you read. It's not literal in the slightest sense.

“Gavin Free?” The voice on the other end of the phone asked.  
“That’s me.” Gavin replied wondering who the man was.

“My name is Dr Tom Gregory. I’m afraid I’ll need to ask you to come in. There’s been an accident.”

 

Gavin arrived at the hospital, filled with dread. The doctor hadn’t said much else on the phone, only telling him it was best to come down. So he had.

“Mr Free?” A doctor questioned him as he walked in.

“That’s me.” Gavin said, less sure this time.

“This way please.” The doctor took off down a corridor and Gavin followed, scared of what he might find. “My name is Tom, we spoke on the phone?”

Gavin nodded as the doctor slowed.

“I need to talk to you about you husband. Can we step into my office?”

Gavin nodded again, feeling sick.

They entered the office and Gavin took a seat, wanting to be anywhere but there right at that moment.

“As I said, it’s about your husband. Ryan….” He consulted his notes, “Ryan Haywood.”

“Free.” Gavin mumbled, looking up.

“I beg your pardon?” Tom said, confused.

“Ryan Free.” Gavin repeated, his voice stronger, “He hadn’t got around to legally changing it yet.”

“Understood.” Tom nodded and went back to his notes. “Ryan was admitted today, at around about 2pm. He had been brought in by ambulance. The car he was driving went over the barrier and he rolled into the ditch. A passing motorist stopped and called emergency services, and they managed to get him out without too much fuss.”  
“Is he…..?” Gavin’s voice trailed off, not wanting to finish the sentence.

“He’s in intensive care right now, but it’s looking up for him. He’s lucky to be alive. We can go and see him if you want.”

Gavin nodded, playing with the hem of his shirt, refusing to look up.

“Basically, the reason I called you in, is you are his legal next-of-kin. He can’t make the medical decisions for himself right now, he’s unconscious. So that’s where you come in.”

Gavin looked up, feeling the pressure, and it must have reflected because the doctor smiled reassuringly at him.

“Generally, we don’t have to come to you for permissions aside from the first ‘keep him alive’ permission. But we need somebody to know. It’s up to you to contact any family, parents, siblings, anybody else that needs to know.” Tom got up and led a very unsure Gavin to the room where Ryan was and opened the door.

“Press the red button on the wall for assistance. I’ll be around in a bit.” Tom told him, before leaving him alone with a very battered looking Ryan.

Gavin wanted to cry, seeing Ryan in the state that he was in, tubes and wires, and beeping machines all around.  
“Ry…” Gavin managed to get out, soft and full of hurt. He took a seat and gently took Ryan’s hand, tracing nonsensical patterns all over the back. He didn’t know how long he stayed that way for, as multiple doctors came in and out, before Gavin final had enough courage to make some calls.

The first was to Ryan’s parents. That was the hardest call to make, telling them that Ryan was in intensive care in the hospital.

“The doctor said it’s not as bad as it could have been.” Gavin said, downplaying it. Ryan’s mum was crying on the other end of the phone, and it was making Gavin want to cry as well.

“If you want to come here, you’re welcome to. I think he’d like it when he wakes up. I know it’s a long drive, so I’ll give you the keys to the house and you can stay there. I won’t be leaving this hospital until somebody drags me out so it’ll all be yours.”

“Thank you Gavin.” Ryan’s dad said, “It’s much appreciated. We will leave as soon as we can. I’ll let the rest of the family know, make it easier on you. We will see you tomorrow.”

“Thank you.” Gavin replied, “I’ll see you then.” The dial tone sounded in his ear ad he hung up the phone, dialling the next number.  
“Geoff?” Gavin said, his voice shaking, “It’s Ryan. He’s in the hospital right now, there was an accident.”

Gavin heard a large exhale of breath from the other end of the phone.

“Are you okay?” Geoff asked, worried, “I’m fine. Worried and scared sick maybe, but I wasn’t in the accident, I was at home.”

“Have you called his parents?”

“Yes, I have.” Gavin replied, “They’re on their way. I’m gonna give them the keys to the house, they can stay there. I was just calling to let you know, so you understand when neither of us is at work tomorrow.”  
“Dude, don’t even think about work. It’s handled.” There was a pause, then Gavin heard murmuring in the background before Geoff spoke again, “Do you want someone there with you? Griffon’s about ready to leave right now, and I can come as well, it was just us two at home tonight anyway.”

Gavin hesitated before replying, “I think I’ll be okay….” Then the tears burst forth and Gavin put the phone down for a moment to wipe them away.

“Gavin, we are on our way. Okay? No stopping Griffon now. What room number?” Gavin didn’t reply just stared at the number on the wall.

“Gavin?” Geoff called out.  
“The number is 6….” Gavin’s voice hitched as he continued, “636. The number is 636.”

“We’ll be there.” Geoff promised and hung up, leaving Gavin alone with his thoughts.

 

It was all a bit of a blur after that, Dr Tom came around with some information and a form to sign, Geoff and Griffon arrived, and just sat there as Gavin held Ryan’s hand and prayed to gods he hadn’t necessarily believed in before this moment that Ryan would be okay. Geoff and Griffon had stayed all night with him, and Ryan’s parents had arrived at 8am and demanded to be let in, leading to a flurry of discussion to finally get them let into the room.

Geoff and Griffon had left then, promising to come back just after lunch, when official visiting hours were on and check up on him and Ryan.

Gavin turned to Ryan’s parents, and explained the situation to them and Ryan’s mum cried for a bit during the explanation, and Gavin cried as well, just the uncertainty of the whole situation, and the lack of solid information just made him so worried. He gave the keys to Ryan’s parents, gave them directions and told them to go get a few hours’ sleep.

“Downstairs bedroom is all made up for guests. The bathroom is the next room over. Kitchen is open, the house is yours. Go and get some sleep, then come back when official visiting hours are on okay? I’ll call you if there’s any change.”

Ryan’s mum gave him a big hug and his father nodded at Gavin before they left the room, leaving Gavin alone again with his thoughts.

 

Gavin didn’t register any time passing really until Geoff returned with a bag of food.

“Have you even moved since we left?” Geoff asked as he walked in, followed by Ryan’s parents.

“Not really.” Gavin murmured, looking into the bag, “What’s this?”

“A gift from Griffon. She knew you wouldn’t eat right now. So you have to eat that before I leave.”

“Thanks.” Gavin said, softly, looking at the ground.

“I know you don’t feel like eating, but you should buddy. Trust me. Keep your strength up. You need it.”

Ryan’s mum passed over a bag at the same time, and smiled.  
“Spare clothes. I hope you don’t mind, I went into your bedroom and grabbed some. I’m pretty sure those are yours, I got things that I knew weren’t Ryan’s. I hope I got it right.” Gavin glanced inside and smiled.

“It looks like you did.” Gavin said and got up, letting go of Ryan’s hand for the first time in hours. “I’ll just get changed, and then I’ll come back and eat. I promise.” Geoff took Gavin’s seat and Gavin walked out, a change of clothes in hand. He changed and entered the room again, just in time to see Ryan’s eyes flutter open, and focus in on his own mum.

“Mum?” Ryan asked, his voice soft and unsteady.

“I’m here.” She replied, holding his hand, “You’re in the hospital, you had an accident.” Geoff reached across and pressed the red button on the wall, summoning a doctor.

“Your dad’s here as well.” Ryan’s mum continued, “As well as your love who hasn’t left your side since he got here.”

Gavin dropped his clothes on an empty seat and walked closer, allowing Ryan to focus on him. He smiled at Ryan, happy that his husband was awake again.

“Hello love.” Gavin said, softly, reaching out to hold Ryan’s hand.

What nobody expected was Ryan’s reaction.

“Who are you?” Ryan asked, his eyes widening as he pulled his hand away.

Gavin looked confused and stopped where he was, “Ryan, it’s me, Gavin. Your husband.”

Ryan looked panicked, “I don’t know who you are.” He said, turning to his mum, “Who is he?” The doctors came in at that point, and Gavin refused to hear anymore. He left the room in a hurry, not picking up anything, just fleeing the room as fast as his legs would take him, until he reached the garden courtyard of the hospital and fell onto a bench, where he was both upset and so mad.

His vision blurred with tears and he was aware of somebody standing over him.

“Gavin…” Geoff said, gently reaching out towards Gavin.

“Don’t you ‘Gavin…’ me.” Gavin snapped back, slapping Geoff’s hand away, “I don’t need it. He didn’t know who I was. He panicked when he saw me.”

“He has trauma.” Geoff said, gently, sitting next to Gavin, “It’s not his fault. After brain trauma, things change and information can’t be recalled as easily sometimes.”

“How can you not remember your husband? The love of your life? How can you not remember the one you are supposed to spend the rest of your life with?” Gavin replied, choking up, tears flowing freely. Geoff wrapped an arm around Gavin and pulled him close, allowing the younger to cry into his shirt.

“I don’t know.” Geoff said softly, “But it happens. Just…..give it some time okay?” Gavin didn’t reply, and they stayed that way until Gavin was all cried out and exhausted.

 

They made their way back to the room where Ryan was, Gavin leaning on Geoff the whole way. Ryan was fast asleep when they entered and Ryan’s mum came over, giving Gavin a huge hug,

“Sweetie.” She said gently, ruffling his hair, “I know it’s hard. I’m sorry.”

Gavin simply nodded as Geoff gathered up all his stuff.

“What are you doing?” Gavin asked Geoff.

“Taking you home.” Geoff replied, “You need a decent sleep, and night watch has been taken.” Gavin went to protest, but Geoff gave him a warning look.

“Fine.” Gavin said, putting his hands up in defeat. He walked over to where Ryan was sleeping, the look of panic on his husbands face burned into his retinas. He leant down and gently brushed a kiss over Ryan’s forehead.

“Sleep well love. Get better soon. Really soon.” He whispered before straightening up and allowing himself to be led out of the room by Geoff.

 

They got into the car and Gavin was half asleep before he realised where Geoff was going.

“Not home.” Gavin mumbled, “Not tonight.”  
“Are you sure buddy?” Geoff asked, glancing across at Gavin.

“ ‘m sure.” Gavin replied. Geoff nodded to himself and took the next turning towards his own home, and the place where Gavin spent so many years before moving in with Ryan.

Gavin didn’t remember much after that. He remembered being carried inside, being put on a couch, hearing the sounds of conversation, and feeling a cool hand sweep across his brow. He remembered a soft, “Sleep well,” murmured, coupled with a blanket, and then nothing.

 

* * *

 

 

The next few days were painful for Gavin, visiting Ryan, who showed no signs of remembering who he was. He had been introduced as Geoff’s friend, since Ryan remembered Geoff, and his parents and family, and Michael, Jack, and Ray. In fact, Ryan remembered everybody who came to visit him, except for Gavin.

Gavin was spending his days keeping Ryan entertained in the ways he knew from experience, but there was nothing in the world that seemed to be able to help recollection of memories of Gavin. For Gavin, that killed him, keeping his distance. Not being able to flirt, or laugh like they had used to until recently. Gavin was a friend, but he was still treated like a stranger.

Gavin always stayed until Ryan was asleep though, so he could kiss Ryan one more time that night before going home, back to Geoff’s place, and the not-so-comfortable couch.

 

It wasn’t until the 4th day of Ryan being awake that Gavin saw a flash of recognition in Ryan’s eyes. Gavin had been telling him of some antics of the guys from work and making him laugh, but all too soon, Gavin had to go, and he couldn’t stay to give Ryan a goodnight kiss.

“Goodnight Ry.” Gavin said, smiling sadly.

“What’s up Gavin?” Ryan asked, softly. “You always seem so distant.”

Gavin felt tears welling up and he pushed them away angrily.

“Nothing Ry. I’m just feeling sentimental.”

Ryan nodded, unsure and Gavin grabbed Ryan’s hand and looked straight at him.

“Please don’t freak out.” Gavin told Ryan, as he leant in and kissed Ryan’s hand gently. Ryan looked surprised as Gavin dropped the hand back onto the bed and went to the door.

“Ready?” Geoff asked him, and Gavin nodded, looking back at Ryan for a moment.

“I miss you.” Gavin said loud enough for Ryan to hear him, “Come back to me.” Geoff wrapped his arm around the younger man’s shoulders and led him away, but Gavin still caught a glimpse of Ryan’s face, looking like he remembered Gavin, just for a moment before it faded.

 

* * *

 

 

It was 2am and Gavin’s phone went off, ringing shrilly into the darkness. It woke Gavin up and he answered it without a glance at the number.

“Gavin Free?” came the voice from the other end of the phone.

“Speaking.” Gavin replied, wondering who it was.

“I’m afraid I have some bad news…..”

 

Gavin was found in the corner of the room, phone discarded onto the floor, sobbing into a shirt of Ryan’s.

“Gavin?” Geoff inquired, gently, the light spilling from the hallway into the room. As he walked into the room, he noticed the phone, and his heart sank.

He knelt down next to Gavin, and didn’t need to ask to know what had happened.

“Oh Gavin.” Geoff said, his heart breaking to see Gavin, broken and tear stained on the floor in front of him. He picked up the younger man in his arms and carried him up the stairs to where his wife was sitting up in bed. He lay Gavin down on the main bed and looked at Griffon. She wore a look of concern on her face, mixed in with sadness. She knew instantly what had happened, and they stayed like that for a moment, just watching Gavin cry his heart out into the shirt, knowing there was nothing they could say that would ease his pain.

 

“Gavin…..” Griffon said, pulling him close and holding him like that. Geoff climbed in the other side of the bed and they stayed that way, providing a solid base of support for him while he cried.

“Why?” Gavin sobbed over and over, “Why did they take him away from me?” Both Griffon and Geoff could do nothing, could provide no answers as Gavin lay there, sobbing his heart out, broken and never feeling so alone.

 

* * *

 

 

The funeral was a few days later, and everybody came, dressed in black suits, black ties, black dresses, funeral attire.

Gavin hadn’t felt like going, but in the end it was Griffon who convinced him.

“I don’t want to go. I’m not ready to say goodbye. I don’t want to say goodbye.” Gavin said his eyes threatening tears.

“I know Gavin.” Griffon said gently, sitting on the bed next to him, “But if you don’t know now, you’ll always regret it. You don’t have to stop mourning, you don’t have to forget, but you do have to say goodbye in some form.”

So Gavin was there, dressed up in smart clothes, front row in the church, knowing there was nowhere he’d rather not be.

Ryan’s family was standing there in the front row, and Gavin hadn’t seen them since the day before Ryan died. Ryan’s dad nodded at Gavin as he arrived, and Griffon went to sit in the row behind Gavin and the family.

“Stay, please.” Gavin whispered, “Geoff too. I need you both.” Griffon nodded and they sat down on either side of him, holding his hands tightly.

Ryan’s family had arranged the funeral, and left a space open for Gavin to speak. Gavin nearly refused, but realised that he needed to. Standing up there, in front of everybody, alone, was probably the hardest thing he had ever had to do and he barely got the words out.

“We may have had our ups and downs, and everything in between. I know we had our fights, but I know that we loved each other dearly. Ryan, I just wish I had been able to say a proper goodbye to you.” Gavin couldn’t see, tears blurring his eyes too much, but he kept on, knowing he had to get the words out.

“I wish you had remembered me at the end, because it killed me, you not knowing who I was. But though all of it, I loved you. And I still love you. I always will.” Gavin leant down and pressed a gentle kiss to the top of the coffin before managing to go back to his seat and sitting down. Griffon grabbed his hand again, and Geoff pulled him close, providing support that Gavin needed.

 

One moment that Gavin remembered was carrying the coffin to the hearse. Gavin was determined to do his part and be one of the pallbearers. Geoff walked beside him, for moral support.

Gavin remembered the weight on his shoulder and the rain. He was amazed that he remembered the rain. The lines of people in their black suites, black dresses, and the light rain falling on the top of the coffin. Gavin stayed by the coffin the whole time people threw flowers, and had to be led away by Geoff when it was finally time for the doors to be closed. Gavin was surrounded by all his friends, Michael, Jack, Ray, Geoff, Lindsay, Griffon and everybody else who surrounded him and cried with him, and supported him until he could no longer stand on his own.

 

* * *

 

 

The next day, Geoff took him home, to pick up some more clothes of his, and new shirt that smelt of Ryan.

Gavin basically had to be carried into the house and stood in the middle of the main room while Geoff packed up what Gavin would need for the next few weeks until he felt up to coming home properly and packing up what needed to be packed up of Ryan’s. What Geoff hadn’t reckoned on was Ryan’s parents still being in the house.

Gavin stood stock still as Ryan’s mum held him at arm’s length and smiled sadly at him.

“We are still family.” She told Gavin, “If you want to come and reminisce, you don’t even need to call okay? Just turn up on our doorstep and we will be there for you. Always family.” Gavin nodded numbly, the smell of the house reminding him of all the good times they had shared.

“We, Ryan’s dad and I, well, we don’t know much about what Ryan liked anymore. We want….we want you to scatter his ashes. For us, and for you. So you get time to say goodbye.” Ryan’s dad held out the jar that contained all the worldly matter of Ryan. Gavin didn’t take it, he just stared at it dumbly until Ryan’s dad put it on the counter next to Gavin, along with a plain envelope.

“I’m sorry.” Ryan’s dad said, “I know how it feels for us, but can’t imagine what it’s like for you. I’m so sorry.”

The keys were dropped on the table, and they left, leaving Gavin standing in the middle of the room, staring at a jar of ashes, haunted by memories of the past.

 

* * *

 

A few days later, Gavin was called down to the police station to collect things that had been in Ryan’s car. Geoff went down and collected it for Gavin and brought it home, dropping it inside the door of the spare bedroom.

It wasn’t much, just a box containing a few maps, a spare pair of glasses, and a few other bits and bobs from the car, most of it impersonal, car related malarkey. But there was something in the bottom of the box that attracted Gavin the most; it was something that he’d never seen before.

It was a small soft toy and a plain manila folder. Gavin opened the folder to see two things. The first was an envelope addressed to him and the second was a photo of a young baby. He opened the envelope and immediately was struck by the fact that it was Ryan’s handwriting. He read the letter slowly, trying not to cry and smiling all the while.

 

_Gavin,_

_You remember how a few months ago we talked about adopting a child together and how we even did an interview and they said they’d get back to us if something came up? Well, something did come up. They called me earlier in the week to say that if we were still interested, there was a baby for us that we could adopt. I went down today to pick up the forms and the information. I haven’t seen her yet, I’ve left that until we properly decide together. I wrote this to you rather than telling you, because I want to leave it on your pillow to surprise you tonight. I wanted to make you wait for it as a 3 year anniversary present, but that’s not fair on her, you or me. Think of it as an early anniversary present then._

_I’d like a child with you Gavin. I want to raise a daughter, and grow old together and do all that overly cliché stuff. I love you. More than anything. Remember that. Always remember that. Please say yes, for me?_

_Love forever,_

_Ryan Free._

Gavin felt the tears burst through and he held the paper to his lips, as if to absorb a kiss that Ryan had planted on the page before sealing the envelope. He looked at the photo, of a smiling baby girl, and the note attached to the inside cover of the folder

_If you decide to accept our offer, please call us at the earliest available time on the number below._

He glanced at the envelope and the envelope Ryan’s dad had left him, sitting on the shelf next to the jar of Ryan’s ashes. He contemplated for a moment, before reaching for the envelope.

 

He wandered out to the living room, where Geoff and Griffon were watching a movie. They noticed him come in; clutching a manila folder and a letter and Geoff frowned.

“Hey buddy, what’s up?” he asked, softly, and Gavin collapsed onto the middle of the couch.

“I have a daughter.” He mumbled, still in shock from the news himself.

Griffon took the folder and the letter, and quickly read them before handing them to Geoff, whose eyebrows raised in surprise.

“Are you sure?” Geoff asked, knowing it was a huge burden to take on so soon after a huge loss.  
“I’m not sure.” Gavin mumbled, looking at the ground, “I mean, we discussed it, and we had the interview, but we honestly didn’t think much would come of it, at least not for a couple of years. And now, there’s a baby girl waiting for me if I want her. But only me. There’s no us to this situation.”

Griffon grabbed Gavin’s hand, and smiled at him.

“We’re here whatever you choose Gavin.” She told him, “We can’t choose for you, but we will support you. In anything you choose.”

“There’s something else.” Gavin muttered, pulling the plain envelope out of the back of the folder. “Ryan’s dad left this, I assumed it was will documents or something, and it was. His parents changed something in it though. They changed his name, he died as Ryan Free. It was a stupid thing I said he should do, and he agreed, but he didn’t get around to changing it. But his parents did it for him, and the death certificate says Ryan Free.” Gavin took in a deep breath and continued, “On top of that, because I was his husband, I legally get everything of his and ours. The house, everything in it and a life insurance policy I never knew anything about.”

Griffon took the document from Gavin, who was slumped on the couch like rag doll.

“It was something Ryan took out, on himself, for me, in case something happened. He never told me, I never knew.” Gavin mumbled, picking at the hem of his shirt.

“I knew.” Geoff said, looking guilty, “He mentioned it once. Only once. He loved you, he wanted you to be okay if something happened to him. He made me promise not to tell you.”

“I don’t want any of this.” Gavin replied, “I just want him back.”

“I know buddy.” Geoff said, pulling Gavin close and holding him tight for yet another time that day.

 

* * *

 

 

Gavin was sitting in the waiting room of what appeared to be a hospital clinic. As time went on, he got more and more unsure about the entire situation, and wanted to back out. Just as he was about to make a run for it, a nurse called,  
“Gavin Free?”

Gavin got up unsteadily and the nurse gave him instructions for a room down the hallway and Gavin followed them, knocking on the door when he got there.

“Gavin Free? I’m Juliet Harstead.” A woman said, when she answered the door, “I understand you wanted to talk to me?”

“Yes, I did.” Gavin said, “You spoke to my husband, Ryan.”

“Ryan who?”

“Ryan Haywood.” Gavin replied, and Juliet looked confused, “He may have introduced himself as Ryan Free.” He smiled wryly as it registered for Juliet.

“I spoke to him about 2 weeks ago. I’m sorry I didn’t remember, I speak to a lot of people on a daily basis.”

“It’s okay.” Gavin said, feeling rather sure in what he was going to do, “Ryan is- was, my husband. He passed away a week ago. But you spoke to him regarding a baby girl that was up for adoption. I understand we as a couple had been selected to adopt this baby girl.”

Juliet opened the appropriate file and looked at it for a moment before turning back to Gavin.

“That is correct.” She said, “I spoke to Ryan regarding a baby girl that was 3 months old. What about it?”

“As I said, he passed away a week ago. I just wanted to inform you of this fact as I’m sure you have other couples that want a baby and I don’t think I suit your criteria as I would be classified as a single parent.”

Juliet looked at Gavin expectantly as if expecting more, but when nothing else came, she spoke.

“Gavin, I don’t know if you were aware of this fact, but Ryan had already said yes to the adoption.” Gavin looked up in surprise and Juliet nodded.

“Obviously you didn’t know. He told me that it was almost certainly a yes. He accepted and told me that his partner, you, would be just as excited as he was, but wanted to make sure first. The baby is yours if you want it Gavin. Just say the word.”

Gavin sat back in the chair, and his voice cracked as he spoke.

“I want her. I do want her. I came into here wanting her, but thinking that because I would be a single dad, that I wouldn’t be allowed so made myself not want her. But I want her, and I will love and her and care for her and be her father.” Gavin felt a tear slip down his cheek as he realised that this moment was one Ryan had said they would share, and he wasn’t here to share it.

 

Juliet picked up the phone and called a nurse, and also pulled out a file with some paperwork in.  
“Gavin, I know you’ve probably thought plenty on this decision, but just consider it one final time. It is a lot to take on, especially as a single father, especially so soon after such a big loss. Ryan signed the papers when he was here 2 weeks ago, and said he’d bring you in to sign them when you collected her. All you need to do is sign the papers okay, but just think about it just for a moment.” Gavin took the pen and thought about what would happen, he would be a good dad, but he had to work as well and realised that he could do some of his work at home. He also thought about the fact that he would have to either bring her up either in the annexe in Geoff’s backyard, or his and Ryan’s house, and both made him pause for thought, but ultimately, he knew that Ryan had wanted this baby girl to be theirs, and although he wasn’t here, the baby girl was still going to be theirs.

He reached out and signed the papers next to Ryan’s signature, after skim reading through the clauses. Juliet took the pen back, and glanced at the documents, before putting them back in the folder on her desk.

 

She handed him a folder of his own.

“This contains everything you need to know about her first 3 months of life. It has her birth certificate and vaccinations, and doctor’s visits, any other information, including sleeping habits, preferred eating times, behavioural things, everything. I trust you’ll get to know all this information before long yourself, even if you don’t read what’s in the folder.”

Gavin nodded, smiling slightly as there was a knock at the door. Juliet opened it to reveal a nurse standing there with a rolling bassinet, which she pushed into the room.

“You must be Gavin.” She said, smiling. She gestured to the bassinet, “Have a look at your baby girl.” The nurse nodded at Juliet and left the room as Gavin nervously peeped over the rim to reveal a little baby girl staring back at him. The baby gurgled slightly, and Gavin smiled, reaching in to pick her up.

“Hello you.” He said, rocking her gently, “What’s your name then?”

“Her name is Lissa. It’s the name Ryan gave her anyway. It can be changed if you want.” Juliet interjected softly.

“Little Lissa Free.” Gavin murmured, “It’s perfect.”

“I’m glad.” Juliet said, smiling, “I’ll just go and photocopy these documents for you and then you can go.”

“Wait.” Gavin said, suddenly panicking slightly, “I don’t have anything for her. As I said, I came in here expecting not to walk out with a baby.”

“I think I can get something together for you.” Juliet said, her eyes twinkling as she left the room.

 

Gavin sank into a chair, a quiet baby looking back at him.

“My you are like Ryan aren’t you?” Gavin said quietly, “All contemplating and sneaky.” He played with her for a bit before she fell asleep and Gavin was left holding her in his arms, knowing there was only one thing missing, but that everything would be okay.

Juliet re-entered the room, carrying a small box of things and a baby carrier.

“These are for you. It was all organised by Ryan when he was here last. We’ll be sad to see her go, she’s been a favourite around here, no matter how sneaky she’s been.” Juliet helped Gavin buckle Lissa into the carrier and put the folder now containing all Lissa’s information and the adoption papers into the box.

“Inside the box is some basic baby food we know she likes, a milk formula, instructions on how to set up a makeshift crib with some of the other materials in the box, some spare diapers and a pacifier, not that she uses one. Everything you need is in the box.”

Gavin put Lissa down for a moment and regarded Juliet thoughtfully.

“Thank you.” He said quietly, “I really mean it.”

“I believe you will be the best man for the job right here. Take care of her okay?”

“Always.” Gavin said, and picked up the box and carrier, making his way out to where he knew Geoff was waiting.

 

They made it home and Griffon was at the door looking worried. Then Gavin got out of the backseat with a baby carrier and she regarded hi suspiciously.

“I thought you said you weren’t coming home with a baby.” Griffon said, smiling.  
“I thought so too.” Gavin replied, his voice low, “But apparently, Ryan had already arranged everything when he went the first time, and all that was needed was for me to sign the papers. I just…..” Gavin paused and smiled slightly, “I want her. Not just for Ryan, but for me as well. I can’t mope about anymore, I actually have to do something.” He looked down at the sleeping Lissa, “She’s mine, and Ryan’s. And we will be great.”

 

* * *

 

 

It was a week later when Geoff finally had enough of Lissa waking him and Griffon up at 2am and gave him an ultimatum. Either live in the annexe, or go back home. It was with some difficulty that he decided on the second option, knowing that he really needed to make Lissa a proper bedroom and home.

“God damn Gavin.” Geoff grumbled, as he brought in the pieces of the cot Gavin had bought, assembled and had to dissemble again to come home. “Honestly, you couldn’t have decided on this option sooner? Like before you bought shit for her?”

“Geoff, don’t be mad, please.”

“Whatever idiot.” Secretly Geoff was happy that Gavin seemed to be back to a relatively normal state.

It wasn’t long before the cot was assembled and Geoff left, leaving Gavin alone in the house that he hadn’t been in for three weeks.

 

He regarded the spotless room and the overwhelming memories that lurked in the corners, threatening to overwhelm him.

Then he turned to Ryan’s ashes, sitting on the counter top and shook his head,

“What did you get me into love?” He asked, as he set a sleeping Lissa down and thought about his next move.

 

* * *

 

 

A week after that, Gavin had been playing with Lissa in the main room when he felt a hand on his shoulder and kiss in his hair, even though there was nobody in the house. Lissa has stopped playing and was staring over Gavin’s shoulder, smiling slightly to herself, and Gavin smiled as well.

“Even though you’re gone, you’re still here.” Gavin murmured, looking at the jar on the shelf.

He decided on something there and then, putting Lissa into her pushchair and putting the jar of ashes into a backpack, he rushed out of the house, barely stopping to lock the doors.

 

He walked down to the native forest park where they had had their first date and Gavin pulled the ashes out of the backpack as he sat next to the lake. Lissa sat on his knee as he explained the way of the world to her.

“This is your other dad.” Gavin said gently, needing her to understand, “He wanted you as well, but he couldn’t be here for you.” Gavin felt a tear slip out of the side of his eye and he blinked it away.  
“He loves you very much, he loves us both. And I miss him a lot.” Lissa regarded him with big, wide eyes.

“One day you’ll understand everything, but right now, just know that he’s in a happy place, and he’s watching us right now. And he loves us.” Gavin closed his eyes for a moment, feeling a few tears spill over his cheeks. He held Lissa close, cradling her against his shoulder. She reached up and touched his face gently, right over a tear, before pulling her hand away. Lissa didn’t squirm, she didn’t gurgle, she was totally silent, and just looked at Gavin, giving Gavin a sense that she knew something important was going on.

Gavin nodded and tried to smile and he undid the lid of the jar and held it in his right hand, Lissa cradled in his left. He looked straight at her for a moment, and then poured the ashes into the fast flowing stream, watching them float off down the waterway and he rinsed the jar out in the cold water, and put it back in the backpack.

 

He stood up, Lissa cradled in his arms and looked up into the sky, tears falling from his eyes.

“Goodbye love.” He murmured, “I miss you every day, and I still love you.”

The wind rustled in the trees behind him and as he looked at Lissa, he knew that Although Ryan was gone, he would forever be there for Gavin and their baby girl.

**Author's Note:**

> So yeah.....  
> 'Free Love' it took me ages to come up with that as a title. It just fist though cause Ryan Haywood became Ryan Free and Lissa Free and the fact that they always loved each other and it's a story about loving people with the last name of Free and.... *babbles off into incoherency*  
> Sorrynotsorry.  
> Please let me know what you thought, did you cry as well? How much (I profusely cried from the 2am phone call onwards, and I was writing it....)?
> 
> I hope you enjoyed it though, and I hope it didn't ruin you too much.  
> Oh and some happy/sexy freewood from an amazing writer to cheer you up *free promotion*  
> http://archiveofourown.org/series/146253


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